"Like a raised eyebrow short of thermo-nuclear war."

"Remember eyeball eating on Fear Factor?"

In the Blackhawk March 11, 2003 San Salvador, El Salvador

Central Asia: The Pre-September 11th Plan
This is where it gets fun. I head east through Turkey hitting some little beach towns till I land in the village of Dogubayazit. It's on the Iranian border and right next to Noah's own Mt. Ararat, which I hear you can climb if you can get a permit.

If I can get a visa, I cross into Iran visiting Isfahan and Teheran, and if all works out, cross north into Turkmenistan, through Uzbekistan visiting Samarkand, and into Kyrgyzstan where I may volunteer with Habitat for Humanity for a little while. Then into the mountains through the Torugart Pass into China. Theoretically, all this is possible but difficult.

From Kashgar in Western China, south on the Karakoram Highway through the Himalaya into Pakistan. I hope to stop for some extended treks into the mountains around the KKH on my way south to Islamabad. From there west to Peshawar and, with the required gunman at my side, into the Khyber pass to the Afghanistan border and back, Insha'Allah.

Then I turn back east to Lahore, on the Indian border. Ya know how Pakistan and India are like a raised eyebrow short of thermonuclear war? Lahore is home to the only border crossing between the two countries that's open to foreigners. Supposedly there's a ceremony every afternoon to close the border where soldiers on each side rattle the gates, fake sneeze at each other, then shake hands while deliberately not making eye contact. Sounds really cool, eh?.

Who the hell knows what to expect in India. In fact, I think that's their tourism slogan. I want to visit Goa, the birthplace of Trance but apparently now a tourist trap, and the beaches to its south. Then you've gotta do Delhi and Agra for the Taj Mahal. I also hope to get to Darjeeling, a remote mountain town high in the Himalaya near Nepal. You've heard of the tea.

I could spend some serious time in Nepal. It's cheap, beautiful, and has enough trekking to last you a year. I hear the Everest base camp trek isn't the most beautiful, but how can I go to Nepal and not see Chomolongma? That trek's about three weeks, as is the Annapurna circuit, which I might do also if I'm up to it. That's like two months right there. But at around ten bucks a day, I could stay forever if I wanted.

• Boats in the desert where the Aral Sea used to be: Moynaq, Uzbekistan
• The nomads in the Kyrgyz mountains (recall eyeball eating on Fear Factor?)
• The Karakoram Highway, blown through the Himalaya by the Chinese and Pakistanis, and called the ultimate feat of civil engineering.
• Being scared shi*less visiting the Khyber Pass.
• Just letting India have its way with me
• Not caring how long it takes to trek to Everest
  

China and Southeast Asia
OK, I've thought the least about this part. I backtrack into China and, if I'm lucky, get to Tibet for long enough to be depressed by what the Chinese have wrought. Then somehow get to Beijing for the Wall and whatever else. South into Vietnam and Southeast Asia. I haven't read up much on this part of the world, so I'd be totally talking out of my ass (even more than the rest of this section) to say I have a plan for this part.

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