I've been typing up my journal from my hike on the Appalachian Trail in 1997. I'd always wanted to put it online, or at least have a copy made so if my apartment burns down or something...

Anyway, it's interesting looking back on how I was feeling each day along the Trail, knowing I was going to get tired of it in a couple of months and quit. It's painfully clear that I always seem to need something to judge myself against. Normally I guess that'd be my job... which is a perfectly healthy (or at least normal) thing to judge one's self against. But without a job, I unconsciously found other ways to judge myself.

Looking back on those journal entries, it's clear that I felt better about myself the more miles I hiked in a day. Not the people I met or the stuff I saw... but how far I could go. I enjoyed the people and the places, but for some reason I still had some kind of competitive thing going on wanting to do more and more miles... and faster.

All this as a long way of saying this is one thing that's been bugging me about this trip next year. I have all these great ideas about just chilling and taking things in and not worrying about all the shit we deal with on a daily basis when we're employed. But instead of leaving that behind, will I just end up dragging it with me around the world?

I'm hoping this trip is different enough from the Appalachian Trail that I won't react quite the same way. Hiking the AT, despite the talk that it's all about the experience, is a very goal-oriented activity. You're starting from one specific place with the intent of walking to another specific place about 2,100 miles away. There's no way not to be constantly judging your progress along that route.

Traveling, as opposed to hiking, doesn't seem to be like that. The beginning and end are completely arbitrary. You're not going from one place to another. It's all about what you see in between. The lack of a goal to look ahead to forces you to focus on what you're doing now. The only challenge is to resist the urge to start the unwinnable game of trying to go everywhere the is to go.

I've always been prone to miss the present while looking forward to a future goal... so I hope this experience of suspending all future goals for a while will be just what I need to overcome that.|